Ran this one tonight for my freshly minted Storm Knights. Overall it was a success and folks had fun. There is enough content here for two short acts or (as we played it) one loooong act, depending on how players react to things (heck in the heat of the moment I skipped the pakkat puruit planes). Mine wanted to fight the scarab warriors in the air, at least until their plane went down.
So yeah, first thing I would recommend is look at it, see what you might want to flesh out or snip and figure out whether you are aiming for one act or two. This isn't a huge issue either way, but might make life a little easier for you.
The second thing though is a much bigger deal...the boss. This creature is intended to be a surprise. In light of that "Immunity: Normal Weapons" is patently inappropriate, unless they players aren't meant to win. Since the boss is intended as a surprise, there isn't an elegant way way of warning the players that they need to seek out other ways to deal damage. Unless the group happens to have tons of alternate damage sources this simply makes the fight unwinnable.
Assuming you nix this, the second problem is the innate toughness of 18 and immune to shock. This means that attacks that deal less than 23 gross damage do nothing. Granted PCs will almost always have 2 bonus dice when attacking this thing (it is very large, it's dodge is close to nil, and it's not that hard to inflict statuses), even so, on average those bonus dice are only worth 8 damage. So weapons doing less than 15 base will, on average bounce. One of my players Trademark weapon deals 14 base, and TMW bumps the expected value of his 2DB to 9.5. Success! A Wound! Except the bird has 7 possibilities with which to soak. Meanwhile it is multi-targeting two PCs a round for almost auto outstanding successes inflicting 21 + 2 BD on each hit. My recommendation here would be make six of it's toughness ablative, such that it loses one each time it receives damage over it's (current) toughness that does not inflict a wound. If you think you this might go to fast you can cap it at 2 points ablating per round. If you prefer (and you have folks with magic skills) build a dsr the result of which will depower the thing a bit. This might be too slow. Either way the point is that the PCs need something to do in the moment to tackle this thing and make the victory feel earned.
So again, largely really like this one, but thought I'd share these wrinkles in case you (whomever you are) choose to run it!
*aside - my group had a wealthy PC who brought along 4 rocket launchers (the one-shot tubes). He handed them out, someone played Maelstrom and then three rockets later the beast was dead. Had that failed, it would have been a TPK.
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